Open letter to a person just blessed with bipolar.
So now that you have been officially labelled ‘bipolar’, you are probably wondering what the hell this double identity stuff is all about. Am I a raving crazy, a sad little depressed loner, or a unique savant with a talent for delving into all sorts of esoteric realities. The truth may involve all the above or none may quite fit your unique experience. All bipolars share some of the same ports during our frequent storms, but our tracks in the wild blue yonder often have little more in common. The bipolar diagnosis is simply where the journey begins, though by the time you are diagnosed you will likely have a pretty good idea of how your track has been charted!
There is still a lot of confusion out there about what it means to be bipolar. Some seem to favour Jekyll & Hyde as their role model, channeling some form of monster that suddenly arises from the depths of a quiet unassuming accountant, turning him into a raging Tasmanian Devil. Then there are others who seem incapable of separating this mood disorder from the psychotic struggles of schizophrenia. While it is true that bipolars can also suffer from hallucinations, it is actually quite rare that they have any real faith in their own delusions. Bipolars may see the aliens sneaking through the forest, but they seldom believe they are about to be herded aboard the starship.
So what is bipolar all about? Mostly it is all about living life without the ability to truly trust your own emotions. Emotions are not our friends. The highs are too high up in the blue sky – the lows too far down in that deep black well. Most of the time, for about 9 months of the year on average, you can forget about the wild blue yonder. Your flight time will be severely restricted. Instead you will likely be ensconced in a cold, dark cave. Getting out of bed can be a monumental struggle. Going out the door an insurmountable journey of epic proportions and that suicidal glow of delusion doesn’t keep your social calendar well booked. Depression is that dark winter pole that goes so well with rainy days, grey skies and reading Edgar Allan Poe! Sometimes those mumbling little voices try to fill the social void, but they are usually rather bad conversationalists!
Still, bipolars are not always diving down in the dumpster. Sometimes you get to feel pretty good. The only problem is that this is usually a manic episode in disguise. Now sometimes manic episodes can be pretty dramatic. Take a look at the Richard Gere movie Mr. Jones or a hundred other Hollywood takes on the looney side of mania. This is why we were once labelled manic-depressives. Yeah, I have known really manic people who have tried to liberate the cereal boxes from the supermarket shelf or decided to walk through the mall stark naked after deciding that there was no need to get dressed before going out to buy new pants. Still, thankfully, these full blown manic dramas are pretty rare. More often, full blown mania involves massive amounts of drugs, alcohol, sex and bad decisions which too often end up in suicidal misadventures or legal complications when the inevitable sonic boom finally catches up with reality.
However, the usual high road is that seemingly tame “hypomania” – Greek for just below fully blowing in the wind. This is the tricky, insidious side of bipolar. It makes you feel like a million bucks and ready too take on all the dark forces of the known universe. Solving all the problems of humanity is just part of a single day’s work! My longest hypomanic phase got me through 3 years of university – with a little chemical help – boasting a 97% GPA by the time I woke up in the psych ward after watching myself float down a subway escalator! Drugs and alcohol are often your best friends and worst enemies in this state of absolute confusion. Substance abuse has sadly been at the core of every “successful stretch” I ever managed, as well as being the ultimate cause of every inevitable crash that soon followed and ripped my life to shreds.
You see, the toughest part of being bipolar is not the manic frolics or the suicidal nights. It is the huge cast of broken relationships and mid-life reboots you leave lying in your wake! Wives, friends, partners and associates are all lead into the hypomanic bubble – only to have the pin prick the ground from beneath their feet when the bubble eventually disintegrates into vapour!
I realize that all these meanderings paint a pretty bleak picture and you are already likely to be Googling ‘suicide methods’, but don’t be too quick to take up sword swallowing! There is one other way of approaching bipolar that is not quite so dark. First, take your meds and be Mindful, that can really help smooth out the bumpy roller coaster ride! Second, find a support group. Bipolars are usually (but not always) really cool people and they alone can really get it when you tell your screwed up story. Thirdly, being bipolar can be really interesting. My life may look like a jigsaw puzzle in the rear view mirror, but if you embrace your bipolar and dive in feet first, you will discover that life can be a real pastel joy. Bipolar is the reason why I have had dozens of different careers in far too many cities and countries and, in the process, I have had a quite amazing life. Not exactly a Disney story of light and hope, but far better than sitting in some boring cubicle all day, then returning home to stare at the tube before hitting repeat. I will even add a fourth observation to this decidedly different take. If you are bipolar, chances are you are pretty smart and up to this awesome challenge. I have never met a really dull or ignorant bipolar! For some odd unknown reason bipolars usually seem to have a bit of savant buried deep inside their heads that leads them to write philosophical plays or play beautiful music or paint incredible images, to say nothing of a thousand other artistic talents.
In the final analysis, we are bipolars whether we like it or not! So why not begin by embracing the exciting challenge that lies ahead? Find some bipolar buddies, embrace your changing moods and uncover your hidden talents. Join the bipolar parade! If you can’t be normal, boring, unemotional and talentless, embrace your bipolar gift! Be different, interesting, love your wild emotions, and find your hidden savant. Take your meds and try to be normal – it is a necessary part of the game, but when life spins apart – as it always has for me – be ready to embrace that wonderful bipolar you who is craving acceptance!
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Please help support North Island Mood Disorders
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Be wise! Volunteer! Talk to Volunteer Campbell River. Hundreds of possibilities to suit every personality!
